F1 commentary
2008-09-28 7:46 p.m.
tay ping hui is a terrible, terrible commentator.
awkward accent, awkward prose, ers and ahs and silly comments.
yes i am watching F1 despite my comments before.
i shall just blog as i watch, because i am oh-so-bored.
so we're getting live feed from the place itself.
now they're showing the drivers in all states of unpreparedness.
at least everyone's decent.
now some opera singer is doing the national anthem. can you say hair-raising?
and out-of-tune?
there's some expression about when the fat lady sings, but i cant remember it at the moment.
well now we're back to the actual driver-showing.
the drivers are now wearing all manners of funny gear. and one of the drivers has a big yellow face drawn on his helmet. is Pac-Man his sponsor?
yada yada yada. more rubbish from tay ping hui,
now the driver is getting into his strange excuse for a car. it doesnt even have a top, but they cant enjoy the cooling breeze because they're wearing those chunky helmets.
lewis hamilton is blowing air kisses into the crowd. really.
the singtel grid girls look extra.
someone seems to be saying a prayer by his car. praying to his God, or to the car?
'give me oil in my tank, keep me burning burning burning, give me oil in my tank, i pray i pray! give me oil in my tank, keep me burning burning burning, keep me burning till the break of race.'
more rubbish by tay ping hui.
are they EVER going to start driving?
some driver has 'EMC squared' on his car. einstein would be insulted.
the pitstop guys are posing for the camera. why, i wonder? they just change the tyres.
footage of singapore's buildings. because that's what we tune in to F1 to see, right.
yess are we finally starting?!
the singapore map has been mutilated to fit the track shape. oh the horror.
more footage of singapore's scenery. oh, get over it already!
ooooh there are some flashy light effects on some hotel which spell FORMULA 1 NIGHT RACE, in case you didnt know what it is that you're watching.
footage of the singapore flyer....
footage of old people......
footage of singapore buildings....
footage of shadows....
they do make good use of the cameras there, dont they.
important sounding static is going on.
the driver in the flashy red car has a green helmet. color-coordination never goes amiss, someone should tell him.
someone just likened the drivers' heads to giant protruding tic-tacs. i couldnt have thought of a better analogy myself.
now they are showing pictures of the rather sheepish-looking drivers. i would have thought these were the nominations for employee of the year for some company.
are we starting yet?!?!?!?
yes i think we are.
the word 'elf' has been painted on some driver's car. really puts speed in perspective, doesnt it.
OH OH YES WE'VE STARTED.
welllll this wasnt as fast as i thought it would be.
all the pitstop guys are running off somewhere.
ummm.
i dont know what to say now.
zoom zoom zoom.
its just kind of like watching a go kart race.
the cars are driving around.
i cant see who is who.
and even if i did it wouldnt make any sense to me.
some red car seems to be leading.
but all the cars seem to be red.
ok im totally useless at this, just go tune in and watch it yourself.
i shall start commenting once they stop driving.
gah, do people really pay thousands for this.
alrighty im back for another update.
this looks really slow.
the commentator just described the race as 'absolutely awe-inspiring'. my question is, why??
this is booooooring.
OH MY GOSH.
they have only just started NOW.
whoops!
the thing before was only a warm-up round.
ok maybe i was a mite too critical.
doesnt look much faster now though.
the only difference seems to be that the cars are nearer to each other.
red car leading.
red car behind it.
yet ANOTHER red car behind that one.
they should really get more colors for the cars.
oooh there's a white one.
and a yellow one.
ok im commenting on absolutely the wrong things.
well what else can i say, its just zoom zoom zoom.
apparently F massa is in front.
followed by L hamilton.
and K mumbo jumbo.
last one is F fishi something.
im rooting for lewis hamilton, fyi.
just because i see his face everytime i buy coffee in school.
as for what's going on in the race now.
they're still zooming around.
what else can i say.
lenovo is supporting a car.
that's funny, how are computers connected to car racing?
yadeedah, yadeedah, still driving around.
hamilton has set a new record.
whoop-dee-doo for mr nescafe.
yawn yawn yawn.
they're showing a replay of the start of the race.
i suppose they've realized how boring the race is, and are trying to keep their audience hooked by showing the one exciting part of it.
F massa still leading.
or is it L hamilton?
i cant really tell, the little screen that announces the results has disappeared.
oh its F massa.
boo.
some driver's name is J button.
that's a real ferocious, cool-sounding name eh.
ooooh some driver's car just smoked.
'his front tyres will feel and look like fifty pence pieces now' says commentator.
excuse me this is singapore, we dont have fifty pence pieces matey.
Lap 4.
F massa still leading.
maybe i should just transfer my loyalty from lewis hamilton.
this is really boring.
*long break where the race fails to inspire any words in me*
Lap 5.
guess who's leading.
sigh.
did mine ears deceive me, or is J Button's first name Jennifer?
scary.
**
oh my gosh i just heard that there are going to be 20 or 30 laps?!
fine i will just blog when the results come around.
OH SOMEONE CRASHED!
N piquet and his tin can.
funny name.
awww its the white one.
there goes the color diversity.
no one is getting out of the wreck.
cars with yellow lights are coming.
its Lap 15, by the way. i almost fell asleep.
oooo they're showing footage of the crash.
the tin can apparently reverse bumped into the boundary.
im sure there's some official term for that but i, obviously, dont know it.
ahh N piquet is getting out.
so he's survived the crash, to be killed by his sponsors next.
ok nodding off again.
OH MY OH MY.
F MASSA DROVE OFF BEFORE HIS PITSTOP GUYS WERE DONE WITH HIM.
one guy was felled, and his car went off with the tubey thing still attached, looking stupid.
according to the commentator it was a catastrophic mistake, and might cause him the grand prix.
why? dont ask me.
now his guys are sprinting down to his car, and 'the crowd is cheering them on like its the 100m beijing olympics all over again.'
once again, dont ask me why.
remember when i said that there's going to be about 20-30 laps?
well i was wrong.
there is going to be SIXTY ONE LAPS.
61!
oh jeez.
well at least the live audience will be getting their money's worth, what with this very very long race.
even if it means seeing the same thing over and over and over again.
anyway a couple of things have happened.
car 2 is under investigation for an unsafe release from the pit.
and a driver has been carried out in a stretcher.
which car, which driver? again: dont ask me.
it is now Lap 32, and neither lewis hamilton nor F massa are anywhere in sight.
some guy called J trulli is leading instead.
i dont even know who that is.
but considering i only know lewis hamilton i spose that isnt much of a gauge.
Now F alonso is leading, in a swanky white and red scrap of metal.
must be blessings from using its host country's national colors.
they might as well just paint 'KIASU' on their cars for maximum luck.
oooo J trulli has dropped to eighth place.
how did that happen?
not like i'd know, i cant exactly say my attention on the race has been absolute.
the commentator just informed everyone that he's sitting in a nice air-conditioned box whilst the drivers are down in their steaming tin cans, dying of heat and humidity.
now we know which career has the real perks.
lewis hamilton is now in FOURTH position.
i am transferring my loyalty to someone else.
but then again F massa is LAST.
oh how the mighty have fallen.
when you look away from the cars, the sound emitting from them resembles most greatly a lousy hair dryer or lawn mower.
what? just thought you'd like to know.
lewis hamilton is now 25 seconds behind the leader.
that's not a lot, is it?
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20-21-22-23-24-25.
there, he should have caught up by now.
ANOTHER CRASH!
its one of the red cars.
no loss there.
the wheels are smoking and one of them has caught fire.
driver scrambles out quickly.
OH ITS F MASSA.
how the mighty have fallen, indeed!
and now we're down to the final 9 laps of the race.
yippee-doo, we're ending soon.
last 6 laps.
F alonso is still leading.
looks like those who have F in their initials are reaping both ends of the luck spectrum today.
i dont think hamilton is winning this.
he hasnt got an F in his name.
the one you add in front as an adjective doesnt count.
'last 4 laps now, watch out for lewis!'
yea, be careful you dont bump into him crossing the finish line on your way home.
K mumbo jumbo has ruined his car!
but its ok, it was red.
2nd last lap now.
and hamilton's not even in second.
'and THERE is lewis hamilton!'
oh, we thought he'd gone off for a coffee break already.
LAST LAP!
sigh.
F alonso approaching the line.
alone.
maybe he'd suddenly faint.
or not.
so its F alonso, T glock, and L hamilton.
oh well.
now he's wiggling his little purple fingers at the crowd.
i suppose the royal wave has gone out of fashion.
now its the award ceremony.
though i dont see any awards.
F alonso's national anthem is playing.
he doesnt sing, this guy. just stands there looking distinctly uncomfortable.
oh so there IS a trophy.
a very ugly one, i might add. looks like a bunch of spare tubes glued together and placed on a platform.
THEY'RE THROWING THEIR CHAMPAGNE AT THEIR TEAM MATES.
question mark question mark.
now all the pitstop guys are drinking, straight from the bottle.
and none of them are bothering to pour it into their mouth.
eeeee.
well thats about the end of the much-abuzzed about race.
and this entry.
so taataa now.
