oh the mush
2009-01-17 10:04 p.m.
today is the day of my book launch.
well more like 1/40th of my book launch.
because unfortunately, only one of the 40 stories published is mine.
and i didnt even WANT it there.
it began with a sad, sad story of how misguided ol' me thought that a compulsory competition issued by my cca would actually be compulsory.
and so i was the only one who wrote in to the 'to my grandpa/grandma' competition, in one heck of a bad mood because i already had a ton of unfinished homework and still had to squeeze in time for this compulsory thing.
so i rattled out something in 5 minutes, and just because i was pissed off and slightly short on the words i added 'to my grandpa: here is a 270-word dedication to you.'
and voila!
Dear Ms Dawn Eng,
Thank you for contributing to 'To My Grandpa/Grandma' initiative.
The National Library Board will be publishing a book containing a compilation of letters from 40 Singaporean grandchildren. This book will be launched on 17 January 2009. We will be sending you an invitation to the launch closer to the date.
The National Library Board would like to thank you for allowing us to publish your story. We appreciate and value your contribution and believe that this legacy will be shared with the rest of the world.
when i first saw the email in germany i completely freaked out because (as would be apparent by the fact that i wrote the stupid thing in 5 minutes) my story was full of misfacts and exaggerations since my goal afterall hadnt been to write a perfect composition but rather just to get my point across in the shortest amount of time possible.
amongst the misfacts were (most shockingly) the illnesses i wrote that my maternal grandfather had, which i just plucked out of thin air because the only thing i knew about him was that he seemed sickly all the time, so i plonked down all the old-people sicknesses i knew of.
as it is now people will think he's hard of eyesight and hearing, arthritic, sickly and with a dulled mental capacity.
it was such cruel coincidence that at that point of time i had just got back from visiting him for the first time in 10 years.
must be karma from all the misdeeds i didnt do.
in case you were wondering, i didnt go for the book launch in the end.
because people who write in to contests titled 'to my grandpa/grandma' AND make the effort to show up at the book launch arent exactly the ones i want to meet.
plus i had read some of the other entries.
'po-po,
do you remember the days of my childhood
the times we had our hide and seek
as you waited for me to return from school
i would alight from the bus a few blocks before you, at the playground
while you got annoyed, went searching and dragged me home for lunch
do you remember the dramas of rediffusion
the ones that filled our long afternoons
as you commented on the plots of other daily affairs
i would switch on the tv for sesame street or transformers or mask
lie prone at the mattress to do my homework, usually a prelude to my nap
do you remember the evenings when mum came to fetch me home
i wouldn�t want to leave you so i unleashed my tantrums
insisting on spending the night at your house
ever since then we had spent many years together
me growing up, while you growing old
until national service, overseas studies and a busy career
took me further and further away from you
po-po, you may not remember things very well now
you play hide-and-seek with your belongings, misplacing them and searching high and low
you invent plots about so-and-so and become suspicious of people
oftentimes you would throw disturbing tantrums at the smallest issues: dementia
is a cruel way to grow old
po-po, never mind if you can�t recall what you had for lunch but you mustn�t forget one
important thing: i love you
we have always loved you, in our own different ways
we know you have not changed, for alzheimer�s is just a mask that time had placed
not to test your memory, but to test ours
we will remember well and hold dear the story of who you are: mother and grandmother
the sweetest and heaviest story we now have to bear.
and i compared it to my own.
'Dear grandpa:
Here is a 270-word dedication to you.
Not many people can claim to remember when they first met their grandfather.
And to be honest, neither can I.
But the image of the grandfather I know - the paternal one who lives with my family - has always been one of a healthy, fit man who takes on multiple roles in the family such as handyman, cook, driver and nagger.
Having lived with my grandfather my entire life I had never associated the word 'grandfather' with old or sickly - considering the fact that my grandfather leads a healthier lifestyle than the whole of my junk-food eating, couch-potato family - but rather with useful, stable, at times irritating, and yes, bald.
So it was quite a shock for me when I first visited my maternal grandfather in Germany where he resides, a polar opposite of my paternal grandfather; arthritic, sickly, hard of hearing and eyesight and with a dulled mental capacity.
It was only then that I realized the true rarity of a grandfather like mine, who has lived to a ripe old age of 77 but who still returns home beaming with tales of how the neighbors or coffee-shop hawkers believed him to be below 60; who has almost perfect eyesight and a sharp memory to remember everyone who ever crossed him by; who has jokingly been predicted to outlive the whole family.
So to my grandfather, I would like to thank you for being a solid rock in the family, a constant dependable presence and a positive example of what a healthy diet and exercise could do.
What are a few fake teeth in the large scale of general health?
do i sound the least bit filial? in an unforced, unharried, un-i-have-to-finish-this-in-five-minutes-or-i-will-die way?
why would ANYONE want to put my entry in a mushy book?
its so sad to have my debut into the writing world turn out like that.
