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2010-03-19 12:22 a.m.
i really dont know what im doing anymore.
its like one second everything is going well: my parents are finally accepting my dancing, actually liked what i did last saturday, looking forward to what im doing on sunday, our choreo is starting to take shape, we pretty much have decided on a costume and concept and then...what?
its like im suddenly being told a completely different thing.
from you can do it if you do this this this to actually you're not good enough anyway so why go and make a fool of yourself.
all the late nights, the falling asleep at work, the fighting with the family, the skipping classes, the rushing down right after work, to this.
and the parents?
the tentative support im finally starting to get?
does it all mean nothing?
not only will they think im giving up halfway they'd hate my dancing even more.
its pretty easy to see where their line of logic will go to.
'oh you see what happens, you give them so much and this is what they give in return. why do you continue going there and why should i let you go?'
all the progress we've made would be cancelled out and we'd be in an even worse position than before.
its not like i have high hopes of getting past the semis to the finals.
in fact i, like the others, think that is almost an impossibility.
but even if we dont we have a VIDEO showing what we can do, the parents see that i am achieving something, and at least all the hard work amounts to SOMETHING.
and its not like its saturday now and the only thing we have to show is a piece of crap.
if that were the case i could understand, its what i plan to do for the bachata comp too.
but we're right in the middle where things could go either way.
either do this right at the START before people put in time and energy and effort or right at the END when its obvious there's no substance there.
sometimes i rly wonder what im doing.
